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Published on December 19th, 2018 | by voxx


Verbal Vomit

Zero. That’s the possibility of feeling shocked about anything that comes out of my child’s mouth anymore. I have heard it all. “I am eating a bogey!” Diego declared, whilst shuffling around in the queue to see Bjorn the Polar Bear…

Merry Christmas to me; let the cringing commence!

This festive month of Christmas songs, traditions and lots of delicious food has been busy with verbal vomit and phone calls to that creepy guy in red. I owe him a lot. He has made my wine last a tiny bit longer this month.

I love how effective threats of Santa are. Instead of bellowing, a simple call to an overenthusiastic stranger with a beard, and bang! Problems disappear. Magic. From Dennis the Menace into the Milky-bar kid. In fact, it has been so quiet this month that my neighbour knocked on my door yesterday; I suspect it was to check we still live here. The silence is making me suspicious too.

December drama. I do absolutely love Christmas, it’s just that I have such high hopes for lattes, festive tunes, mince pies and board games, when what it really entails is barging into shops in a strop – it’s packed. I’m socially awkward and when I finally find the mince pies label randomly down the fruit isle they have gone. By this point I am so cross that I storm out of the shop. Forgetting me’ teabags.

Finally, the drama ends as I comfort myself with a homemade spiced latte adding an artistic gingerbread man stencil topper. It ends up resembling an alien more than anything else. In my world, Christmas is a time for the baking I’ve thought about doing, presents I’ve thought about wrapping, junk food I’ve eaten automatically, and searching for sanity I misplaced sometime back in June!

- By Boneata Bell

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